A/N: This was supposed to be one chapter, but I've decided to divide this flashback theme into more chapters. So the next few chapters after this one will be flashbacks directly following the one provided here.
Btw - the title has nothing to do with the first part; it will become clear later on.Enjoy! (Italics - flashback)
"You know who I really, really didn't like?" Kate, who was very close to falling asleep, slightly lifted her head towards him. They were lying on the bed, photo albums still strewn about; Kate was on her side with her head on his chest while he had an arm wrapped around shoulders. He idly ran his fingers up and down her arm while she absent-mindedly drew patterns on his chest.
"Who?"
"Josh."
"Josh?" She pressed herself up onto her arm and looked at him in confusion.
"Yeah, you know McDreamy… Dr.-I'm-too-sexy-for-my-shirt." Kate pursed her lips to stop from smiling.
"Oh." She arched her eyebrows and went back to her original position. "He wasn't so bad," she commented lazily with a shrug.
"Gmmff… He was an ass," Rick snorted, wrapping his arm closer around her.
"You just didn't like him because you were jealous," Kate replied with a sardonic smirk. Rick reluctantly groaned in agreement.
"Well, you didn't like Gina much."
"I don't have a problem with her… now." He lifted himself onto his elbows, looking down at her.
"No, but can you honestly tell me that you didn't want to rip her arm off and beat her with it when we were still together?" He smirked at her, knowing full well how jealous Kate really was. She narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip, taking a few contemplative moments before answering.
"Yeah… okay. I was jealous. Just a little bit." She gestured with her fingers, smiling cutely.
"Just a little bit?" Rick lowered his voice and arched his eyebrows.
"Mmm-hmmm." Kate replied with a childlike nod.
"You're a bad liar, Mrs. Castle." He leaned in closer and gave her a peck on the lips. They returned to their original positions. She let out a tired yawn and draped an arm around his waist.
"For what it's worth… I'm glad you broke up with her."
"And I'm glad you broke up with McDreamy," he replied in a sleepy murmur before planting a kiss on top of her head. Amid the soft, rhythmic pelting of rain against the window, sleep cast its hypnotic spell, dragging them into a deep, restful slumber.
Everything as it should be. As Fate intended. As the laws of love declared.
...
Rick Castle was grinning like an idiot. A happy idiot. A whistling idiot. A grinning, happy, whistling idiot in love. He stepped out of the elevator, failing for the umpteenth time to stop from smiling, and walked towards her new apartment. He was as giddy as a teenage girl while approaching her door. It was early on Monday morning and he came bearing gifts – coffee, bear claws, donuts and muffins. A full three days had passed since 'The Kiss'. They didn't have time to consider or discuss what had happened, but he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to see her… and maybe kiss her again. And again. And again. And again. Until they were both old and gray. As he knocked on the blue door, he fantasized about how she would leap into his arms and beg him to make love to her. Or how she would hungrily grab him by the shirt and yank him up against the door before having her wicked way with him. His pleasant thoughts were interrupted when the said door finally swung open.
However when Kate saw him, the last thing on her mind was having her way with Richard Castle against her front door. Her expression was a mixture of surprise, apprehension and alarm.
"Castle! W- What are you doing here?" She asked with a perplexed frown.
"Breakfast!" He answered as if it was obvious, lifting the cup holder and brown paper bag.
"I.. uh, you-" she stammered, her eyes growing wide. 'No, no, no!' the thought frantically rushed through her mind.
"Did you know in Medieval England, beer was served with breakfast?" He was still beaming as he, uninvited, stepped past her into the apartment. Kate reluctantly closed the door and took in a deep breath.
"- Now I didn't bring any beer-"
"Castle-," Kate tried to stop him, a hand rising to her forehead.
"- but, I did bring your favourite," he continued. He lifted up the coffee cup with a boyish grin.
"Rick-," she tried again, walking towards where he was standing at the kitchen counter.
"I didn't know what you felt like, so I brought bear claws, donuts," he rambled on, still smiling and failing to see her less-than-happy expression. "And, uh-" He searched the brown paper bag. "-oh, muffins!" He turned to look at her with childlike enthusiasm.
"Castle, I-"
"Kate?" A deep male voice called from her room. Kate momentarily closed her eyes while dropping her head. She ran a hand through her hair and pursed her lips. Rick's expression went from excited to confused; eyes darting between her and the location of the faceless voice.
After a few moments, the culprit stepped out. Josh, still putting on his shirt, emerged from her bedroom with his 'I-just-got-laid'-expression clear for everyone to see. Including Rick.
It felt like a sucker-punch, low and hard. It almost left him breathless and spinning.
Like a patient being taken off morphine, pain slowly and dully started to spread throughout his conscious being. He couldn't fathom what was happening.
"Uh… Rick, hi," Josh greeted with a surprised frown. He came to stand next to Kate, placing an arm around her waist. "What are you doing here?" He asked, oblivious to how Kate tensed at his touch or how Rick's eyes were burning holes into her.
Rick's expression was stony, even as the pain he felt became more marked. His eyes briefly flicked to Josh's arm around Kate and to then to her; the source of both his hurt and happiness. Within the space of a few seconds, Kate Beckett went from being his benign and inspiring muse to a ruthless goddess demanding his heart on a sacrificial altar.
"Uh… I," Rick started to answer; his blue eyes ablaze as he fixed them on her. Kate ducked under his intense stare and looked away. "I… was in the neighbourhood." He turned his eyes to the man holding her. "And… thought that I would pick… Beckett up." He smiled without humour and his eyes briefly shifted back to a guilt-ridden Kate. She nervously ran a hand at the back of her head and neck, avoiding his blue eyes at all cost.
"Oh, okay." Josh shrugged casually. "Listen, baby, I need to get going." He glanced at his watch. "I have some rounds to do," he continued, picking up his bag, helmet and black leather jacket. Kate only nodded in reply, not daring to look at Rick. Josh gently took her arm as he walked towards the door.
"Thank you for last night… I really, really enjoyed it," he said in a lowered tone, flashing her a knowing grin. Kate's mouth briefly pulled up in an awkward response. Unfortunately, Rick could hear everything that Josh had said.
He momentarily closed his eyes, feeling like someone had just slapped him. Hard.
Before Kate could respond, Josh pulled her in for a lingering kiss. Rick roughly rubbed a hand over his face as he turned around, unable to watch any longer.
He hated Josh. He hated the man who could kiss her whenever he liked and for how long he wanted to. But most of all, he hated him because he could take kisses from Kate Beckett for granted.
He wanted to be that guy.
But Rick Castle only got one chance. One kiss. One singular, heart-wrenching and world-shifting (clearly only for him) kiss. He couldn't believe it and didn't want to accept it.
Finally, Josh left and Kate closed the door. She leaned against it for a moment, her eyes briefly closing in regret. When she turned around, Rick was watching her, his blue eyes pained and hostile. Her heart recoiled at his expression and she was deeply disturbed by what she saw. It was a mixture of hurt and disappointment. She had hurt and disappointed him… and he didn't deserve it. To the contrary.
They observed each other cautiously for what felt like hours. Finally, Kate cleared her throat and spoke.
"So I guess we should get going, Castle," she said uncomfortably attempting to smile at him. He momentarily threw his head upward, letting out a sigh and arching his brow. His eyes darted around as he slowly nodded in defeat. 'You're not even going to acknowledge it, are you Kate?' he thought as his eyes found hers again. A rueful smile attempted to tug at the corners of his mouth, but he warded it off with a shake of his head.
"You know what… I-," he started distractedly with a frown. "I just remembered… that I had an appointment with Paula," he lied. They both knew he did. She started to say something, but was cut off when he continued. "I mean you're probably only going to do paperwork today." He shrugged and gestured with his hand. He could barely look at her as he started to walk towards the door.
Kate wanted to stop him and say that she was sorry, but it was too late. He was already closing up. As he opened the door, she spoke again.
"Rick." He turned around to face her; expressionless and unsympathetic. "I'll call you when we have something." He looked at her for a lingering moment.
"You do that, Beckett." Her name died coldy on his tongue. With that he walked out, brutally shutting the door.
It was over even before it began. He dug his hands deeply into his coat-pockets as his shoulders slumped involuntarily. Richard Castle was a pitiful sight as he lethargically walked down the hallway.
Kate Beckett, the woman he trusted with his life and loved with soul, had just ripped his heart out. He could almost feel how pieces of it fell to the ground with each step he took; the place where it once was had been relegated to a bleeding hole in his chest.
As he stepped into the elevator – now just a foolish and heartbroken idiot – he realized that there were a few things he suddenly didn't like anymore. This included early Monday mornings, impromptu breakfasts and most of all, world-shifting kisses.
X-X-X-X-X
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding
Love
A/N: The next chapter will follow from here.Thanks for reading.
P.S. - the last part is lyrics from Leona Lewis' 'Bleeding love'. (Probably obvious to everyone, but I just wanted to acknowledge that)
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