A/N: Okay, so the last chapter was a not-so-nice experience and I'm afraid this one is also still quite angsty; hence the little fluffy anecdote at the beginning. But don't worry it all ends well... obviously. And there will be major fluff ahead in future chapters.
I hope you enjoy it! This is a very long chapter, see for yourself. I apologize for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
(Italics - flashbacks)
"Rick! That's my toothbrush!" Kate exclaimed, her voice dripping with exasperation. She hated when he did that… which was quite often. Rick – dressed in cartoon-themed boxers and a gray t-shirt – swung around from where he was hunched over the sink and saw her looking at him disapprovingly. She stood with a hand on her hip, tapping her fluffy slipper-clad foot in irritation; her expression stern. He glanced at the red toothbrush in his hand and back to her, smiling sheepishly with white foam tumbling out of his mouth. He couldn't help but notice how cute she looked with bed hair and in her pink pajamas; trying to look scary with a seven-month baby bump. It was adorable. But he would never voice those thoughts, not around her anyway. She could still body slam him to the ground or stare him down to his knees. She was still freakin' dangerous – even more so with raging pregnancy hormones.
"How many times do I have to tell you – the red one is mine, the blue one is yours." She walked over to the sink. He started to reply, but stopped to rinse the foam out of his mouth.
"Sorry, honey." He gave her best little-boy grin. She returned an unimpressed, blank stare; obviously still peeved. He pursed his lips together in an effort not to smirk at her.
"Oh c'mon now… what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours," he chimed. She ignored him and went on to brush her teeth – very reluctantly – with her red toothbrush. He stepped in behind her, wrapping his arms over her large stomach.
"Isn't that right, baby girl?" He gently rubbed a hand over the baby bump. A smile tugged at Kate's lips while she continued to brush her teeth. After a few moments, she bent forward – with Rick still behind her – to rinse out her mouth.
"Oh, Mrs. Castle! Now? Here? In this position!" He taunted. She turned around sharply, her jaw slightly clenched, her lips coming together in a thin line and her eyes narrowing. She wasn't in the mood for this.
"Castle," she said in warning, raising a finger at him. "Don't push me today." She poked her raised finger into his chest. He lifted his hands up in mock innocence; his eyes sparkled playfully, enjoying the reactions he drew out of her.
"Ah, come on KC. I'm just having a little fun." He gave her a broad, infuriating leer. If they were six years old, he would be the boy teasing her, tearing down her sand castles and tugging her pigtails. She had a love/hate-relationship with Richard Castle the Teaser; sometimes he amused her and other times – like now – he made her want to scream in frustration.
"Yeah, well. I'm not in the mood for your games," she mumbled, trying to step past him, but he blocked her. She glared at him and let out a labored breath.
"Give us a kiss." He puckered his lips, leaning forward. She pushed a hand into his face and tried to step past him again a few times, but he blocked her each time.
"Urgggh! You're such a child!"
"Just one kiss and I'll let you go… Pinky promise." She rolled her eyes at him before standing on tip-toe and quickly pressing a kiss against his lips.
"Nah-uh-uh." He wiggled a finger at her and smiled as he blocked her path again. "That wasn't a kiss. I want a proper one… with tongue." She was ready to throw a temper tantrum, but that would only give him the satisfaction. Instead, Kate sighed and wrapped an arm around his neck, forcefully pulling his head towards hers. She gave him a hard, deep, searing kiss… with tongue. When they broke apart, she couldn't help but smile.
"See, now was that so hard?" He leered at her in triumph. She only shook her head and rolled her eyes at him in amusement; simultaneously pushing past him to walk out of the bathroom.
"Did you take your Ritalin medication this morning?" She asked dryly, her lips pulling upward. "Because Rick the Six-Year-Old-With-a-Crush is getting on my nerves."
"But you like my childlike enthusiasm, Detective." He pouted, as he followed her into the bedroom. A trademark Castle grin formed on his lips as he reached her. "I know you do." He took the pieces of clothing she had in her hands and placed it on the bed before wrapping his arms around her.
"You can't deny that you've always found me completely irresistible." Kate failed to keep a smile from her face as she, again, rolled her eyes at him.
"No… I… haven't," she replied coyly, biting her lower lip and eyeing him shyly. "Okay, a little." She gave him a beaming smile.
"Ah-ha! I knew it! Can I please, for the record, get that on tape?" " He leaned in for another kiss.
"You know what?" Kate whispered after a few moments, idly drawing patterns on his chest.
"Mmmm?"
"You'll be even more irresistible if you go down to Starbucks and get me something."
"Oh really?" Rick let out a chuckle.
"Mmmm-hmmm." She nodded vigorously.
"Okay, so what do you want?"
"I'm thinking-" She placed two fingers to her pursed lips, contemplating her options. "- choc-chip muffins!"
"You've had them the the whole week!" He laughed. Late one evening during the week, Kate had made him go to a Starbucks shop a few blocks away because she needed – correction craved – choc-chip muffins.
"What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants." She shrugged and smiled.
"Or more accurately - a pregnant woman wants what a pregnant woman wants," Rick commented with a grin.
"I can't help it - your daughter seems to like them."
He arched his eyebrows and grinned at her. "Oh, now she's only my daughter?"
"Well, she seems to be developing a sweet tooth like her dad."
"Mmm-hmmm and of course her mother doesn't enjoy the choc-chip muffins."
"Welll…" A smile slowly spread across her features. "Maybe just a bit."
"Uh-huh." Rick nodded his head doubtfully.
"What are you waiting for?" She scowled at him. "Get dressed and go get me those muffins!"
His mouth curved up into a lopsided smile while giving her a mock salute.
"Aye, aye Detective!" He replied before hurrying into the closet to get dressed. She laughed at his silly, childish antics.
And just like that - Rick Castle alleviated her mood, making her feel better. He was her tonic. Her battery charger. Her own personal energy drink. He took care of her and she loved him for it.
Rick had always known how to make her feel safe and happy and, well, lack of a better word... loved. Even during the time when she didn't want to admit it to the world.
Or to herself.
"I'll call you when we have something," she said in the same manner she had said 'see you in the fall' a few months back when he had walked out of her life. He looked at her for a lingering moment.
"You do that, Beckett." Her name died coldly on his tongue. She flinched at his tone and the way he said 'Beckett'. She wanted him to say her name again, to call her Kate the way he did the other night. The door flew shut cruelly, making her jump at the harsh sound.
Kate closed her eyes, dropped her head and let out the breath she had been holding. The only sound audible in her apartment was the rhythmic ticking of the clock that hung next to the refrigerator. Her eyes drifted towards it and, in the process, caught sight of the half-opened brown paper bag and the two – now lukewarm – coffee cups on the counter. She grimaced slightly. This seemingly sweet (and adorably thoughtful) gesture from her partner (or whatever he was now after 'The Kiss') had somehow turned into the ruins of their partnership. It indicated her guilt, her regret. But as the guilt and the regret started to rise to her conscience, Kate suppressed it with an angry shake of her head. She stomped over to the counter and snatched all the items from it, unceremoniously tossing it into the bin in the hope that these nagging feelings could also somehow be thrown out with the trash.
'Why should I feel bad?' Kate – frowning – was fumbling with her keys in an effort to lock her front door. It fell to the floor, her hands uncharacteristically jittery. She let out a muttered curse through gritted teeth before picking it up and finally finding the lock.
'It didn't mean anything… That kiss or… whatever it was, didn't mean ANYTHING. It couldn't,' Kate thought, troubled, as she walked down the hallway. 'I don't owe Ric- Castle an explanation.' She stepped into the elevator, her brow crinkled in thought as she slid her thumb nail in between her teeth.
'We're just partners.' As the elevator doors close, Kate could feel a haunting uneasiness tug at her senses. 'Aren't we?'
She knew the answer - they weren't just partners. They haven't been 'just anything' for a long time. But was she prepared to open that door... again?
It had been a half an hour since he had left Kate's apartment. 'Note to oneself - never show up unannounced. You may get heartbroken,' he thought cynically, pulling his blue cashmere coat tighter around his body. He tucked his hands deeply into his coat pockets and snuggled his neck deeper into the blue scarf, trying to ward off the invading coldness. He kept his eyes on the pavement where they observed the multitude of feet shuffling past. His brow was knotted together as he went over the events of the morning... and what happened three nights ago. He shook his head to rid himself of the memories and pursed his lips, looking up. He had a decision to make. Rick set his jaw while he pulled out his phone, spotting a bench nearby and walking over to it. Searching the familiar name, he hit dial and waited for the person to answer. His eyes scanned the surroundings absently, not seeing the people walking past him (except the happy couple holding hands). Finally, the dialing tone came to an abrupt end as the familiar voice rushed through the earpiece.
"Paula... It's Rick. We need to talk... Yeah, I know... Just-" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in between his thumb and forefinger, momentarily closing his eyes. "Just listen, okay? It's about the book tour - I'm doing it... Send me the dates and cities..." He let out a breath and leaned back against the bench. "I'm finished. I'm not going to shadow her anymore." He sighed again. "No, she doesn't know yet."
A few seconds later, Esposito popped his head just inside, leaning forward against the doorframe. She looked up at him, smiling in greeting. "Yo Beckett... Where's Castle?" Her smile faded and her eyes quickly darted back to the white mug in between her hands.
"Uh... He- he had a meeting with his agent. Apparently" Her tone was strained.
"Oh, okay." Esposito nodded slowly with a slight frown.
"Why?"
"No reason." He shrugged, briefly pulling his lips downward. "It's just weird not seeing him here... You two are practically joined at the hip lately!" He flashed her a broad grin, expecting Kate to roll her eyes or hit back with a witty snarl. Instead, Kate visibly stiffened at the comment; not daring to move her eyes from where they were fixed - they would certainly betray her serene and calm exterior. Esposito's smile dropped and he frowned at her reaction.
"Well, I'll just... get back to my paperwork then." She looked up at him and nodded before turning her attention back to the coffee machine. He observed her closely, sensing her tenseness. 'Something isn't right,' he thought walking away.
The coffee machine boiled and steamed, strangely mimicking her tumultous emotions. She leaned back, straigthening her arms and pressing her hands flat on the break room counter. She took in a deep, thoughtful breath and exhaled slowly.
Detective Kate Beckett was a woman who didn't make rash decisions, especially when it came to relationships. She guarded her heart jealously and very, very rarely shared it with anyone. 'Rather safe than sorry' was the meager motto she lived by. Will had been safe. Tom had been safe. Josh was safe. Rick Castle? Her stomach contracted involuntarily. He was decidedly NOT safe. She believed in ying-ying, not ying-yang. Kate and Rick - definitely ying-yang. Besides, she had already been burned once by Castle. He had pried the possesive clutch she had over her heart away and left her vulnerable and exposed. And what did she get in return? Rick Castle doing what he did best - casually walking off with another woman. It had hurt. A lot.
No, she didn't believe in ying-yang. Rick Castle was a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda guy while Kate Beckett was a one-and-done kinda girl. She stared into the mug as the blackness swirled before converting into the familiar brown liquid. They didn't fit and they never will. But as she walked back to her desk, Kate couldn't help but feel a dull ache in her chest while Rick's voice echoed through her mind: 'The heart wants what the heart wants.'
"Beckett, we have a body," Esposito said in greeting. Kate sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. She was used to wake up to these grim words, but it got to her occassionally. Like today.
"Where?"
"Corner of Lexington and 32nd."
"Kay, see you in thirty," she replied wearily before flipping her phone shut. She turned to look at the clock on her bedstand; the red numbers flickering 6:32. She turned back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments.
'I should probably let Castle know.' She sighed again. Once again flipping her phone open she searched for the familiar name (he was on speed dial), but hesitated to press the call button. Instead she opted to send him a message.
"Hey Dad," she greeted softly. His expression softened and he smiled at her.
"Good morning, Pumpkin." He glanced at his watch and frowned. "Why are you up? Please don't tell me you're studying for a test or something." He looked at her in mock seriousness. "Because, must I remind you, that we Castles have a revered reputation to uphold... for NOT studying for tests." He raised his eyebrows for emphasis.
She shook her head and just smiled gently as she walked over to his desk. Despite his quick wit and broad smiles, Alexis knew when her father wasn't himself.
"No... just couldn't sleep anymore," she replied with a shrug, perching herself on the desk. "What are you doing up?"
"Waiting for your grandmother," he quipped with a broad smile which she returned.
"She's been in since three. I heard her come in... alone," she replied dryly. He chuckled at that.
"Oh. Well in that case, let's just say I couldn't sleep anymore."
"Why? Inspiration finally hitting you, Dad?" She teased with a smirk. He glared her, narrowing his eyes.
"I wish! Nah... Seems insomnia runs in the family," he answered wryly, offering her a small smile.
He diverted his gaze to the laptop and she watched him for a few moments."Dad?"
"Mmmm?"
"Are you okay?"
Rick sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face. "Yes, dear daughter of mine, I'm fine." His face lit up for a moment. "Hey, that rhymes!" Alexis just rolled her eyes, very similar to the way Kate did. He noticed it.
Her expression became serious again. "You know you can't lie to me, right?"
"I'm fine, sweetie. I promise," he lied. Even though she wasn't convinced, Alexis relented and changed the subject.
"Well, if you weren't writing what were you doing then?"
"Oh, I was just checking the dates and cities for my upcoming book tour."
Her brow furowed slightly in confusion."Book tour? When did you decide that?" She was surprised; he didn't mention anything about a book tour.
'Just after Kate ripped my heart out,' the grim thought rushed through his mind. "Yesterday actually. Paula has been hassling me about it for weeks now... So I figured, what the hell. It has been forever since I've done one," he answered with a shrug, keeping his epxression neutral. His eyes, however, lit up after a couple of seconds. "Hey! You could join me! It would be like old times-"
"Dad, I have school," she pointed out.
"Ah school, schmoool," he replied with a derisive wave of his hand. "C'mon, it'll be fun!" She smiled slightly at the thought. He pursed his lips and arched his eyebrows, wearing his famous boyish expression. "Rome is included." He eyed her expectantly.
"Rome does really sound great," Alexis replied measuredly. "I mean it would be quite educational."
"See! Exactly. And we all know how important education is." She nodded wisely before letting out an excited squeel while he laughed.
After a few moments, she spoke again. "Does Detective Beckett know?"
The smile fell from his face. "No... I- I still have to tell her," he answered morosely.
"When?" Alexis asked, picking up on his sudden glumness. Before he could answer, his phone chimed and vibrated.
"Speak of the devil," he mumbled, picking it up from the desk. His brow knotted together. 'A message. Why is she sending me a text message?' He sighed opening the message.
'Castle, we have a body. Corner of Lexington and 32nd. See you there?' He stared at it for a moment, clinging to the hopeful tone that 'see you there?' offered and immediately felt stupid for over-analyzing a text message like some lovestruck teenage girl.
"A murder?" Alexis asked.
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Well, guess you're telling her today then."
Rick sighed before muttering. "Guess so."
"Our vic is Dane McKenzie, an insurance broker," Kate started to fill him in. He listened but did not look at her, rather focusing his eyes on the lifeless and bloody corpse at their feet. "...He has been has shot four times."
"Time of death?" He asked, still not looking at her.
"Between midnight and four this morning," Lanie answered; Rick looking at her.
"Our boy seemed to have a bit of drug problem," Esposito interrupted. He lifted a small plastic bag with a white powder in it. "We found this on him." Rick looked at him and Kate immediately picked up on it. He was making eye contact with everyone except her.
"Cocaine," Rick commented vaguely.
"Esposito, get that to lab for testing," Kate instructed.
"Will do."
"This is probably drug related," Ryan chipped in.
"Could be... but why did the drug dealer leave the drugs then?" Kate mused with a contemplative frown and folding he arms. She turned to look at Rick who was still looking at the body intently. "Castle, any-" He abruptly crouched and sat on his heels. She was a little taken aback by this. "-ideas?"
"Not yet," he answered sharply. She also went on to crouch and sit on her heels.
"Do see something?" Just as she asked the question she lost her balance and instinctively grabbed his arm for support. He stiffened at the contact and flitted his eyes briefly in her direction.
"No." He shrugged his arm lightly in an effort to get rid of her hand on it and got up. Kate tightened her jaw and arched her eyebrows at this. 'Two can play this game, Rick' she thought, gritting her teeth and getting up.
"Esposito, Ryan you guys go talk to the witnesses at the bar where he was last seen. Castle and I will interview the wife." They nodded, taking notes. "C'mon Castle," she said briskly, starting to walk away and not looking at him.
"Whatever you say, Detective," Rick mumbled under his breath; he made no effort to keep up with her. As they disappeared into the crowd of people, the other three silently glanced at each other, puzzled.
Ryan was the first one to speak.
"Is it just me or-"
"Or is something seriously wrong with Writer Boy and Beckett?" Lanie interrupted. "No, I also picked up on some major vibes - and it ain't no sexing-vibes."
"I bet you guys this is a lovers' quarrel," Esposito said with a sly smile. Lanie lifted an eyebrow at this.
A broad smile spread across Ryan's face. "You're on, bro!"
"What's the rate?" Lanie asked. "'Cause I'm in."
"Do you think Reece did it?" Kate asked, her eyes on the images in front of them. She and Rick were sitting on her desk, observing the full murder board. The case was progressing steadily - they had a suspect and was relatively certain that he was guilty. Ryan and Esposito were getting information on his whereabouts.
"Yes." He folded his arms across his chest, eyes fixed on the murder board.
"Good." She shifted uncomfortably. "Me too."
Defeaning silence... again.
They have been edgy around each other the whole day. The usual flirtatious banter and playfulness had been replaced by curt answers and long, tense silences. When they did talk to each other, it was about case. The large white elephant in the room was promptly ignored or carefully maneuvered around. Rick dropped his arms, moved up from the desk and walked over to his chair. Kate did the same a few moments later and dropped down into her chair. She glanced at him for a moment; his head was turned away from her and he was cradling his chin in his hand, staring off into space.
She lodged her lower lip in between her teeth and ventured to speak, keeping her tone light.
"You're awfully quiet today." He turned around to face her and smiled briefly.
"Yeah, well... I don't always talk a lot." He shrugged weakly. His turned his eyes to his feet, staring blankly at a blotch on the floor.
Kate smiled broadly at this and had sarcastic jibe ready on her tongue, but was interrupted when he spoke again; his tone low and serious.
"I'm going on a book tour at the end of next week..." She shifted, smile disappearing and brow furrowing. "This is my last case, Beckett." He kept his eyes there for another moment before meeting her shocked expression. He locked eyes with her before slowly rising and walking towards the break room. Kate was stunned into paralysis for ten seconds or so before chasing after him.
She was visibly upset and shaken. "Excuse me?" She responded, simultaneously shutting the break room door.
"You heard right... this is my last case," he answered coolly, taking out two cups. Kate's mouth opened and closed a few times; she frowned and shook her head.
"For how long?" She tried, unsuccessfully, to keep her voice even.
He straightened and looked at her; his eyes serious and unreadable. "No, Beckett... I'm done after this case." He took in a breath before continuing, his eyes shifting to the coffee machine. "I'm not coming back." His tone was soft and slightly sad. She gaped at him in shock, her green eyes growing wide.
"W-w-what... Why?" She stammered. He contemplated his answer for a few moments. 'Because I'm in love with you and can't stand to see you with another guy.'
"I've done enough research," he answered simply.
"But... you're my partner, Castle," she said meekly.
"I'm NOT your partner, Kate!" He shot back sharply, no longer able to contain the boiling pot of emotions. She flinched, feeling like he had just punched her in the stomach. "I'm not even a cop." His expression grew hard. "In fact, I'm not really anything to you, am I?" His tone was bitter and accusing. Kate stiffened as rage tore through her body. She stared at him for a moment before grabbing his arm and dragging him to a more private office space at the back of the precinct. Pushing him in, she slammed the door shut.
"Is this about the yesterday?" She asked, her eyes ablaze. "About... the kiss?"
"Just forget it." He rubbed a hand over his face. He didn't want to tread on that subject, because if they did he was going to reveal what he felt.
"Rick... it was only a kiss." Her tone was condescending. "There was a lot of emotion and... it happened. It didn't mean anything. Anything." Of course it meant something. Kate knew it did, but she was doing a pretty good job of convincing herself otherwise.
"Who are you trying to convince, Kate?" He took a step towards her. "Can you honestly tell me that it didn't mean anything to you?" His voice dropped a few octaves as he reached her.
She shook her head and she took a step back. "I- I'm with Josh and you're with Gina." Her voice held a tinge of regret.
"We broke up."
Yet another surprise. "What- when?"
"We- I ended it over the weekend." He looked at her and Kate became rigid.
Whe she spoke again, her voice was barely audible. "Why?"
"You and I both know why." He took another step towards her. 'Well, might as well go all out and confess,' he thought. "That kiss meant something... You mean something." He tentatively brought his hand to her cheek, his palm coming to rest against her soft skin. "We mean something, Kate." Her heart thumped against her chest as he took another step towards her. Parts of their bodies touched lightly and Kate felt a jolt of warmth go through her.
But as much as she wanted get caught up in the moment, her defence mechanisms kicked in.
She placed her small hand over his one on her cheek and vigorously shook her head. "No Rick... we can't," she choked out, her eyes flickering to his boring into her soul.
"Why not?" His voice was soft and pleading.
"I'm ying, you're yang. We don't fit. We're too different." He bent his head towards hers.
"Bullshit, Detective." His voice was husky and seductive. Kate felt his breath swirl in the tendrils of hair on her forhead and her own breathing became shallower.
"I'm a one-and-done kinda girl and you're a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda guy." Her voice cracked and her stomach knotted together.
"I can change." He egded ever closer with his head, his mouth hovering just above hers.
She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. "You're going to break my heart," she blurted out softly. His blue shot up to meet hers and he stepped back a bit. He looked at her in geniune disbelief as his brow came together.
"Kate, I would never-"
"Yes you would." She sighed and dropped her head briefly, before looking back up at him. "You're a playboy, Rick. A womanizer... You have conquests and... I- I don't want to be one."
His face grew taut as he put more distance between them. "So that's your opinion of me?" His tone was strained and quiet. "After three years - three years!" He held up three fingers for emphasis. "After everything we've been through, you still don't trust me." His blue eyes flashed with anger and hurt."I'm the guy who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, right?" Couln't she see that he was in love with her?
She regretted her harsh words now - he didn't deserve this. He was there when no one else was. He was there last week when she was falling apart. He was her partner and yes, she did trust him.
But before she could say anything, her phone rang. She looked at him and reluctantly pulled the blaring phone from her pocket.
"What?" She barked.
"Uh, sorry... You okay, Beckett?" Ryan asked warily, hearing her irritated tone.
Kate sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Yeah, sorry, I'm fine. What do have?"
"We know where Reece is."
They stopped at a dilapidated, red brick building - Ryan and Esposito already waiting - and sat in silence for a while before Kate spoke. Her voice was even, but strained. "Castle, we have to focus now. So let's just... forget about what happened, okay?" She turned to look at him. He was staring at the dashboard and only gave a singular nod before opening the door and getting out. She threw her head back and let out a breath before opening her door and getting out.
"Hey, where's our suspect?" Kate asked as she and Rick approached the other two detectives.
"Third floor, apartment 3b," Esposito answered.
"We got the warrant," Ryan added.
Kate nodded. "Okay, so let's go get him." With that, the quartet disappeared into the building. It was home to illegal immigrants, prostitutes, junkies and drug dealers.
As they ascended the third floor and began walking down the corridor, Kate pulled Rick back.
"Behind me, Castle."
He shrugged her hand off him and glared at her. "I know the drill, Detective." She turned around and grabbed his shirt, Esposito and Ryan glancing at each other with raised eyebrows.
"Stay behind me," she hissed angrily, shoving him. They reached the apartment and Esposito thudded the green door with his hand.
"NYPD! Open up!" Rick was standing a little away from the other three when he spotted a man coming down the corridor. A man who suspicously looked like Wayne Reece, their murder suspect. Their eyes met and realisation dawned on them both. Reece dropped the bag in his hands and grabbed for the gun, untidely tucked in the front of his jeans. He was agitated and high.
"Hey!" Rick shouted, turning his body completely to face Reece. At this the other three shot their heads up. Reece raised his weapon and pointed it at Rick.
And then all hell broke loose. Reece's finger pulled the trigger twice and the bullets traveled to where Rick was standing. Only he wasn't standing there anymore. He was on the ground, pushed out of the way. Shots rained out and gold casings fell to the floor around him, almost in slow motion. Kate was now lying next to him and there was blood on his hands. He anxiously searched for bullet wounds on himself. 'Impossible... He shot at me,' the thougth rushed through his mind as his eyes skittled towards her. She was motionless, the crimson mark on her white shirt getting bigger. 'Why is she so still?' He sat up, dazed and confused.
Esposito, gun in hand, was checking the suspect while Ryan, eyes wide in fear, was already on the phone. "We need an ambulance ASAP! We have an officer down." Rick's eyes shifted back to a now twitching Kate Beckett.
Then it hit him - Kate was shot and that it was her blood on his hands. He snapped out his daze and lunged towards her, frantically pressing his hands on the wounds in her abdomen. Blood was gushing out, dripping off her side and pooling beneath her. It was warm and sticky and not stopping.
"Kate!" Her eyes opened and closed sluggishly."Kate!" His voice cracked with panic and his face contorted in terror. "Stay with me! Please, stay with me!" His face was hazy to her eyes as everything swirled around her. "C'mon Kate! Stay with me!" His raw, hysterical voice became dim as darkness overpowered her, pulling her down into its black realm.
A/N: There you have it - the longest chapter I have ever written. Ever. I wanted to get the feelings, emotions and build up to the end right. Hence all the detail. The next chapter will conclude this flashback theme and it will have a fluffy and happy ending, of course. :-)
Thanks for reading.
P.S. lyrics at the end is from a stunning song from Thriving Ivory called 'Angels on the Moon'
I hope you enjoy it! This is a very long chapter, see for yourself. I apologize for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
(Italics - flashbacks)
"Rick! That's my toothbrush!" Kate exclaimed, her voice dripping with exasperation. She hated when he did that… which was quite often. Rick – dressed in cartoon-themed boxers and a gray t-shirt – swung around from where he was hunched over the sink and saw her looking at him disapprovingly. She stood with a hand on her hip, tapping her fluffy slipper-clad foot in irritation; her expression stern. He glanced at the red toothbrush in his hand and back to her, smiling sheepishly with white foam tumbling out of his mouth. He couldn't help but notice how cute she looked with bed hair and in her pink pajamas; trying to look scary with a seven-month baby bump. It was adorable. But he would never voice those thoughts, not around her anyway. She could still body slam him to the ground or stare him down to his knees. She was still freakin' dangerous – even more so with raging pregnancy hormones.
"How many times do I have to tell you – the red one is mine, the blue one is yours." She walked over to the sink. He started to reply, but stopped to rinse the foam out of his mouth.
"Sorry, honey." He gave her best little-boy grin. She returned an unimpressed, blank stare; obviously still peeved. He pursed his lips together in an effort not to smirk at her.
"Oh c'mon now… what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours," he chimed. She ignored him and went on to brush her teeth – very reluctantly – with her red toothbrush. He stepped in behind her, wrapping his arms over her large stomach.
"Isn't that right, baby girl?" He gently rubbed a hand over the baby bump. A smile tugged at Kate's lips while she continued to brush her teeth. After a few moments, she bent forward – with Rick still behind her – to rinse out her mouth.
"Oh, Mrs. Castle! Now? Here? In this position!" He taunted. She turned around sharply, her jaw slightly clenched, her lips coming together in a thin line and her eyes narrowing. She wasn't in the mood for this.
"Castle," she said in warning, raising a finger at him. "Don't push me today." She poked her raised finger into his chest. He lifted his hands up in mock innocence; his eyes sparkled playfully, enjoying the reactions he drew out of her.
"Ah, come on KC. I'm just having a little fun." He gave her a broad, infuriating leer. If they were six years old, he would be the boy teasing her, tearing down her sand castles and tugging her pigtails. She had a love/hate-relationship with Richard Castle the Teaser; sometimes he amused her and other times – like now – he made her want to scream in frustration.
"Yeah, well. I'm not in the mood for your games," she mumbled, trying to step past him, but he blocked her. She glared at him and let out a labored breath.
"Give us a kiss." He puckered his lips, leaning forward. She pushed a hand into his face and tried to step past him again a few times, but he blocked her each time.
"Urgggh! You're such a child!"
"Just one kiss and I'll let you go… Pinky promise." She rolled her eyes at him before standing on tip-toe and quickly pressing a kiss against his lips.
"Nah-uh-uh." He wiggled a finger at her and smiled as he blocked her path again. "That wasn't a kiss. I want a proper one… with tongue." She was ready to throw a temper tantrum, but that would only give him the satisfaction. Instead, Kate sighed and wrapped an arm around his neck, forcefully pulling his head towards hers. She gave him a hard, deep, searing kiss… with tongue. When they broke apart, she couldn't help but smile.
"See, now was that so hard?" He leered at her in triumph. She only shook her head and rolled her eyes at him in amusement; simultaneously pushing past him to walk out of the bathroom.
"Did you take your Ritalin medication this morning?" She asked dryly, her lips pulling upward. "Because Rick the Six-Year-Old-With-a-Crush is getting on my nerves."
"But you like my childlike enthusiasm, Detective." He pouted, as he followed her into the bedroom. A trademark Castle grin formed on his lips as he reached her. "I know you do." He took the pieces of clothing she had in her hands and placed it on the bed before wrapping his arms around her.
"You can't deny that you've always found me completely irresistible." Kate failed to keep a smile from her face as she, again, rolled her eyes at him.
"No… I… haven't," she replied coyly, biting her lower lip and eyeing him shyly. "Okay, a little." She gave him a beaming smile.
"Ah-ha! I knew it! Can I please, for the record, get that on tape?" " He leaned in for another kiss.
"You know what?" Kate whispered after a few moments, idly drawing patterns on his chest.
"Mmmm?"
"You'll be even more irresistible if you go down to Starbucks and get me something."
"Oh really?" Rick let out a chuckle.
"Mmmm-hmmm." She nodded vigorously.
"Okay, so what do you want?"
"I'm thinking-" She placed two fingers to her pursed lips, contemplating her options. "- choc-chip muffins!"
"You've had them the the whole week!" He laughed. Late one evening during the week, Kate had made him go to a Starbucks shop a few blocks away because she needed – correction craved – choc-chip muffins.
"What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants." She shrugged and smiled.
"Or more accurately - a pregnant woman wants what a pregnant woman wants," Rick commented with a grin.
"I can't help it - your daughter seems to like them."
He arched his eyebrows and grinned at her. "Oh, now she's only my daughter?"
"Well, she seems to be developing a sweet tooth like her dad."
"Mmm-hmmm and of course her mother doesn't enjoy the choc-chip muffins."
"Welll…" A smile slowly spread across her features. "Maybe just a bit."
"Uh-huh." Rick nodded his head doubtfully.
"What are you waiting for?" She scowled at him. "Get dressed and go get me those muffins!"
His mouth curved up into a lopsided smile while giving her a mock salute.
"Aye, aye Detective!" He replied before hurrying into the closet to get dressed. She laughed at his silly, childish antics.
And just like that - Rick Castle alleviated her mood, making her feel better. He was her tonic. Her battery charger. Her own personal energy drink. He took care of her and she loved him for it.
Rick had always known how to make her feel safe and happy and, well, lack of a better word... loved. Even during the time when she didn't want to admit it to the world.
Or to herself.
...
"Rick." Her eyes were pleading, desperate. She knew that she had screwed up. Badly. He turned around to face her; expressionless and unsympathetic. Her eyes darted away from his cold stare."I'll call you when we have something," she said in the same manner she had said 'see you in the fall' a few months back when he had walked out of her life. He looked at her for a lingering moment.
"You do that, Beckett." Her name died coldly on his tongue. She flinched at his tone and the way he said 'Beckett'. She wanted him to say her name again, to call her Kate the way he did the other night. The door flew shut cruelly, making her jump at the harsh sound.
Kate closed her eyes, dropped her head and let out the breath she had been holding. The only sound audible in her apartment was the rhythmic ticking of the clock that hung next to the refrigerator. Her eyes drifted towards it and, in the process, caught sight of the half-opened brown paper bag and the two – now lukewarm – coffee cups on the counter. She grimaced slightly. This seemingly sweet (and adorably thoughtful) gesture from her partner (or whatever he was now after 'The Kiss') had somehow turned into the ruins of their partnership. It indicated her guilt, her regret. But as the guilt and the regret started to rise to her conscience, Kate suppressed it with an angry shake of her head. She stomped over to the counter and snatched all the items from it, unceremoniously tossing it into the bin in the hope that these nagging feelings could also somehow be thrown out with the trash.
'Why should I feel bad?' Kate – frowning – was fumbling with her keys in an effort to lock her front door. It fell to the floor, her hands uncharacteristically jittery. She let out a muttered curse through gritted teeth before picking it up and finally finding the lock.
'It didn't mean anything… That kiss or… whatever it was, didn't mean ANYTHING. It couldn't,' Kate thought, troubled, as she walked down the hallway. 'I don't owe Ric- Castle an explanation.' She stepped into the elevator, her brow crinkled in thought as she slid her thumb nail in between her teeth.
'We're just partners.' As the elevator doors close, Kate could feel a haunting uneasiness tug at her senses. 'Aren't we?'
She knew the answer - they weren't just partners. They haven't been 'just anything' for a long time. But was she prepared to open that door... again?
XXXX
Rick, feeling a little lost, aimlessly meandered around the streets of New York City; deep in thought. 'So this is what Edgar Allan Poe permanently felt like... Miserable bastard.' He smirked sardonically, despite himself. The wind swirled, picking pieces of trash and leaves along the way. The familiar noises of scuffling feet, blaring hooters and angry shouts filled the air. He didn't notice. The only thing he did, however, notice was a (cursed) Starbucks shop. Not the one where he bought the doomed coffee and pastries, mind you, but a spawn of the evil corporation nonetheless. One day he would have his vengeance. One day... if they stop producing such magnificent pastries and stop brewing such mind-blowing coffee. It had been a half an hour since he had left Kate's apartment. 'Note to oneself - never show up unannounced. You may get heartbroken,' he thought cynically, pulling his blue cashmere coat tighter around his body. He tucked his hands deeply into his coat pockets and snuggled his neck deeper into the blue scarf, trying to ward off the invading coldness. He kept his eyes on the pavement where they observed the multitude of feet shuffling past. His brow was knotted together as he went over the events of the morning... and what happened three nights ago. He shook his head to rid himself of the memories and pursed his lips, looking up. He had a decision to make. Rick set his jaw while he pulled out his phone, spotting a bench nearby and walking over to it. Searching the familiar name, he hit dial and waited for the person to answer. His eyes scanned the surroundings absently, not seeing the people walking past him (except the happy couple holding hands). Finally, the dialing tone came to an abrupt end as the familiar voice rushed through the earpiece.
"Paula... It's Rick. We need to talk... Yeah, I know... Just-" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in between his thumb and forefinger, momentarily closing his eyes. "Just listen, okay? It's about the book tour - I'm doing it... Send me the dates and cities..." He let out a breath and leaned back against the bench. "I'm finished. I'm not going to shadow her anymore." He sighed again. "No, she doesn't know yet."
XXXX
Kate stared blankly at the insignificant scratches on her desk, her palm on her forehead and her fingers weaved through her hair. Every now and again, her eyes would drift - out of their own accord - to his coffee mug with his stupid, smiling, ruggedly handsome face on it and then shift over to his chair. A small smile tugged at her lips when she spotted the initials 'RC', written in permanent marker, on the back of the chair. The smile however faded as her mind unwillingly went over the events of the morning - the puppy-dog confused look he had worn when he saw Josh emerge from her bedroom, how his bright blue eyes had darkened with hurt and the iciness in his voice when had he left. Kate closed her eyes before abruptly getting up. Snatching her already used mug from the desk, she marched over to the break room. A few seconds later, Esposito popped his head just inside, leaning forward against the doorframe. She looked up at him, smiling in greeting. "Yo Beckett... Where's Castle?" Her smile faded and her eyes quickly darted back to the white mug in between her hands.
"Uh... He- he had a meeting with his agent. Apparently" Her tone was strained.
"Oh, okay." Esposito nodded slowly with a slight frown.
"Why?"
"No reason." He shrugged, briefly pulling his lips downward. "It's just weird not seeing him here... You two are practically joined at the hip lately!" He flashed her a broad grin, expecting Kate to roll her eyes or hit back with a witty snarl. Instead, Kate visibly stiffened at the comment; not daring to move her eyes from where they were fixed - they would certainly betray her serene and calm exterior. Esposito's smile dropped and he frowned at her reaction.
"Well, I'll just... get back to my paperwork then." She looked up at him and nodded before turning her attention back to the coffee machine. He observed her closely, sensing her tenseness. 'Something isn't right,' he thought walking away.
The coffee machine boiled and steamed, strangely mimicking her tumultous emotions. She leaned back, straigthening her arms and pressing her hands flat on the break room counter. She took in a deep, thoughtful breath and exhaled slowly.
Detective Kate Beckett was a woman who didn't make rash decisions, especially when it came to relationships. She guarded her heart jealously and very, very rarely shared it with anyone. 'Rather safe than sorry' was the meager motto she lived by. Will had been safe. Tom had been safe. Josh was safe. Rick Castle? Her stomach contracted involuntarily. He was decidedly NOT safe. She believed in ying-ying, not ying-yang. Kate and Rick - definitely ying-yang. Besides, she had already been burned once by Castle. He had pried the possesive clutch she had over her heart away and left her vulnerable and exposed. And what did she get in return? Rick Castle doing what he did best - casually walking off with another woman. It had hurt. A lot.
No, she didn't believe in ying-yang. Rick Castle was a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda guy while Kate Beckett was a one-and-done kinda girl. She stared into the mug as the blackness swirled before converting into the familiar brown liquid. They didn't fit and they never will. But as she walked back to her desk, Kate couldn't help but feel a dull ache in her chest while Rick's voice echoed through her mind: 'The heart wants what the heart wants.'
XXXX
Tuesday morning..."Beckett, we have a body," Esposito said in greeting. Kate sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. She was used to wake up to these grim words, but it got to her occassionally. Like today.
"Where?"
"Corner of Lexington and 32nd."
"Kay, see you in thirty," she replied wearily before flipping her phone shut. She turned to look at the clock on her bedstand; the red numbers flickering 6:32. She turned back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments.
'I should probably let Castle know.' She sighed again. Once again flipping her phone open she searched for the familiar name (he was on speed dial), but hesitated to press the call button. Instead she opted to send him a message.
XXXX
Rick had been sitting in his office since 5h30, the only light coming from his laptop, strangely illuminating his rugged face. He couldn't sleep anymore. Not due to a bouts of inspiration or insomnia... if that was only the case. No, he tossed and turned because of a certain homicide detective. He was thinking about her and when he wasn't thinking about her, he was dreaming about her. In short: Kate Beckett had invaded him completely... and it had become torturous. He fleetinlgy wondered if she had been thinking about him too, but quickly chastised himself for being so ridiculous. Something creaked and his head snapped up, spotting Alexis standing in the doorway."Hey Dad," she greeted softly. His expression softened and he smiled at her.
"Good morning, Pumpkin." He glanced at his watch and frowned. "Why are you up? Please don't tell me you're studying for a test or something." He looked at her in mock seriousness. "Because, must I remind you, that we Castles have a revered reputation to uphold... for NOT studying for tests." He raised his eyebrows for emphasis.
She shook her head and just smiled gently as she walked over to his desk. Despite his quick wit and broad smiles, Alexis knew when her father wasn't himself.
"No... just couldn't sleep anymore," she replied with a shrug, perching herself on the desk. "What are you doing up?"
"Waiting for your grandmother," he quipped with a broad smile which she returned.
"She's been in since three. I heard her come in... alone," she replied dryly. He chuckled at that.
"Oh. Well in that case, let's just say I couldn't sleep anymore."
"Why? Inspiration finally hitting you, Dad?" She teased with a smirk. He glared her, narrowing his eyes.
"I wish! Nah... Seems insomnia runs in the family," he answered wryly, offering her a small smile.
He diverted his gaze to the laptop and she watched him for a few moments."Dad?"
"Mmmm?"
"Are you okay?"
Rick sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face. "Yes, dear daughter of mine, I'm fine." His face lit up for a moment. "Hey, that rhymes!" Alexis just rolled her eyes, very similar to the way Kate did. He noticed it.
Her expression became serious again. "You know you can't lie to me, right?"
"I'm fine, sweetie. I promise," he lied. Even though she wasn't convinced, Alexis relented and changed the subject.
"Well, if you weren't writing what were you doing then?"
"Oh, I was just checking the dates and cities for my upcoming book tour."
Her brow furowed slightly in confusion."Book tour? When did you decide that?" She was surprised; he didn't mention anything about a book tour.
'Just after Kate ripped my heart out,' the grim thought rushed through his mind. "Yesterday actually. Paula has been hassling me about it for weeks now... So I figured, what the hell. It has been forever since I've done one," he answered with a shrug, keeping his epxression neutral. His eyes, however, lit up after a couple of seconds. "Hey! You could join me! It would be like old times-"
"Dad, I have school," she pointed out.
"Ah school, schmoool," he replied with a derisive wave of his hand. "C'mon, it'll be fun!" She smiled slightly at the thought. He pursed his lips and arched his eyebrows, wearing his famous boyish expression. "Rome is included." He eyed her expectantly.
"Rome does really sound great," Alexis replied measuredly. "I mean it would be quite educational."
"See! Exactly. And we all know how important education is." She nodded wisely before letting out an excited squeel while he laughed.
After a few moments, she spoke again. "Does Detective Beckett know?"
The smile fell from his face. "No... I- I still have to tell her," he answered morosely.
"When?" Alexis asked, picking up on his sudden glumness. Before he could answer, his phone chimed and vibrated.
"Speak of the devil," he mumbled, picking it up from the desk. His brow knotted together. 'A message. Why is she sending me a text message?' He sighed opening the message.
'Castle, we have a body. Corner of Lexington and 32nd. See you there?' He stared at it for a moment, clinging to the hopeful tone that 'see you there?' offered and immediately felt stupid for over-analyzing a text message like some lovestruck teenage girl.
"A murder?" Alexis asked.
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Well, guess you're telling her today then."
Rick sighed before muttering. "Guess so."
XXXX
Rick, hands, deeply burried in his pockets walked listlessy to the crime scene greeting a few uniforms on the way. It was another bleak and cold December day; aptly matching his mood. Kate was talking to Lanie and Esposito when she spotted him. She stiffened slightly and held her breath for a moment. She turned around and ran a hand through her hair when he reached them. He greeted the others without his usual zeal, while he and Kate only carefully eyed each other in acknowledgment. Lanie picked up on this and frowned, her eyes darting between Castle and Beckett. "Our vic is Dane McKenzie, an insurance broker," Kate started to fill him in. He listened but did not look at her, rather focusing his eyes on the lifeless and bloody corpse at their feet. "...He has been has shot four times."
"Time of death?" He asked, still not looking at her.
"Between midnight and four this morning," Lanie answered; Rick looking at her.
"Our boy seemed to have a bit of drug problem," Esposito interrupted. He lifted a small plastic bag with a white powder in it. "We found this on him." Rick looked at him and Kate immediately picked up on it. He was making eye contact with everyone except her.
"Cocaine," Rick commented vaguely.
"Esposito, get that to lab for testing," Kate instructed.
"Will do."
"This is probably drug related," Ryan chipped in.
"Could be... but why did the drug dealer leave the drugs then?" Kate mused with a contemplative frown and folding he arms. She turned to look at Rick who was still looking at the body intently. "Castle, any-" He abruptly crouched and sat on his heels. She was a little taken aback by this. "-ideas?"
"Not yet," he answered sharply. She also went on to crouch and sit on her heels.
"Do see something?" Just as she asked the question she lost her balance and instinctively grabbed his arm for support. He stiffened at the contact and flitted his eyes briefly in her direction.
"No." He shrugged his arm lightly in an effort to get rid of her hand on it and got up. Kate tightened her jaw and arched her eyebrows at this. 'Two can play this game, Rick' she thought, gritting her teeth and getting up.
"Esposito, Ryan you guys go talk to the witnesses at the bar where he was last seen. Castle and I will interview the wife." They nodded, taking notes. "C'mon Castle," she said briskly, starting to walk away and not looking at him.
"Whatever you say, Detective," Rick mumbled under his breath; he made no effort to keep up with her. As they disappeared into the crowd of people, the other three silently glanced at each other, puzzled.
Ryan was the first one to speak.
"Is it just me or-"
"Or is something seriously wrong with Writer Boy and Beckett?" Lanie interrupted. "No, I also picked up on some major vibes - and it ain't no sexing-vibes."
"I bet you guys this is a lovers' quarrel," Esposito said with a sly smile. Lanie lifted an eyebrow at this.
A broad smile spread across Ryan's face. "You're on, bro!"
"What's the rate?" Lanie asked. "'Cause I'm in."
XXXX
Later..."Do you think Reece did it?" Kate asked, her eyes on the images in front of them. She and Rick were sitting on her desk, observing the full murder board. The case was progressing steadily - they had a suspect and was relatively certain that he was guilty. Ryan and Esposito were getting information on his whereabouts.
"Yes." He folded his arms across his chest, eyes fixed on the murder board.
"Good." She shifted uncomfortably. "Me too."
Defeaning silence... again.
They have been edgy around each other the whole day. The usual flirtatious banter and playfulness had been replaced by curt answers and long, tense silences. When they did talk to each other, it was about case. The large white elephant in the room was promptly ignored or carefully maneuvered around. Rick dropped his arms, moved up from the desk and walked over to his chair. Kate did the same a few moments later and dropped down into her chair. She glanced at him for a moment; his head was turned away from her and he was cradling his chin in his hand, staring off into space.
She lodged her lower lip in between her teeth and ventured to speak, keeping her tone light.
"You're awfully quiet today." He turned around to face her and smiled briefly.
"Yeah, well... I don't always talk a lot." He shrugged weakly. His turned his eyes to his feet, staring blankly at a blotch on the floor.
Kate smiled broadly at this and had sarcastic jibe ready on her tongue, but was interrupted when he spoke again; his tone low and serious.
"I'm going on a book tour at the end of next week..." She shifted, smile disappearing and brow furrowing. "This is my last case, Beckett." He kept his eyes there for another moment before meeting her shocked expression. He locked eyes with her before slowly rising and walking towards the break room. Kate was stunned into paralysis for ten seconds or so before chasing after him.
She was visibly upset and shaken. "Excuse me?" She responded, simultaneously shutting the break room door.
"You heard right... this is my last case," he answered coolly, taking out two cups. Kate's mouth opened and closed a few times; she frowned and shook her head.
"For how long?" She tried, unsuccessfully, to keep her voice even.
He straightened and looked at her; his eyes serious and unreadable. "No, Beckett... I'm done after this case." He took in a breath before continuing, his eyes shifting to the coffee machine. "I'm not coming back." His tone was soft and slightly sad. She gaped at him in shock, her green eyes growing wide.
"W-w-what... Why?" She stammered. He contemplated his answer for a few moments. 'Because I'm in love with you and can't stand to see you with another guy.'
"I've done enough research," he answered simply.
"But... you're my partner, Castle," she said meekly.
"I'm NOT your partner, Kate!" He shot back sharply, no longer able to contain the boiling pot of emotions. She flinched, feeling like he had just punched her in the stomach. "I'm not even a cop." His expression grew hard. "In fact, I'm not really anything to you, am I?" His tone was bitter and accusing. Kate stiffened as rage tore through her body. She stared at him for a moment before grabbing his arm and dragging him to a more private office space at the back of the precinct. Pushing him in, she slammed the door shut.
"Is this about the yesterday?" She asked, her eyes ablaze. "About... the kiss?"
"Just forget it." He rubbed a hand over his face. He didn't want to tread on that subject, because if they did he was going to reveal what he felt.
"Rick... it was only a kiss." Her tone was condescending. "There was a lot of emotion and... it happened. It didn't mean anything. Anything." Of course it meant something. Kate knew it did, but she was doing a pretty good job of convincing herself otherwise.
"Who are you trying to convince, Kate?" He took a step towards her. "Can you honestly tell me that it didn't mean anything to you?" His voice dropped a few octaves as he reached her.
She shook her head and she took a step back. "I- I'm with Josh and you're with Gina." Her voice held a tinge of regret.
"We broke up."
Yet another surprise. "What- when?"
"We- I ended it over the weekend." He looked at her and Kate became rigid.
Whe she spoke again, her voice was barely audible. "Why?"
"You and I both know why." He took another step towards her. 'Well, might as well go all out and confess,' he thought. "That kiss meant something... You mean something." He tentatively brought his hand to her cheek, his palm coming to rest against her soft skin. "We mean something, Kate." Her heart thumped against her chest as he took another step towards her. Parts of their bodies touched lightly and Kate felt a jolt of warmth go through her.
But as much as she wanted get caught up in the moment, her defence mechanisms kicked in.
She placed her small hand over his one on her cheek and vigorously shook her head. "No Rick... we can't," she choked out, her eyes flickering to his boring into her soul.
"Why not?" His voice was soft and pleading.
"I'm ying, you're yang. We don't fit. We're too different." He bent his head towards hers.
"Bullshit, Detective." His voice was husky and seductive. Kate felt his breath swirl in the tendrils of hair on her forhead and her own breathing became shallower.
"I'm a one-and-done kinda girl and you're a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda guy." Her voice cracked and her stomach knotted together.
"I can change." He egded ever closer with his head, his mouth hovering just above hers.
She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. "You're going to break my heart," she blurted out softly. His blue shot up to meet hers and he stepped back a bit. He looked at her in geniune disbelief as his brow came together.
"Kate, I would never-"
"Yes you would." She sighed and dropped her head briefly, before looking back up at him. "You're a playboy, Rick. A womanizer... You have conquests and... I- I don't want to be one."
His face grew taut as he put more distance between them. "So that's your opinion of me?" His tone was strained and quiet. "After three years - three years!" He held up three fingers for emphasis. "After everything we've been through, you still don't trust me." His blue eyes flashed with anger and hurt."I'm the guy who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, right?" Couln't she see that he was in love with her?
She regretted her harsh words now - he didn't deserve this. He was there when no one else was. He was there last week when she was falling apart. He was her partner and yes, she did trust him.
But before she could say anything, her phone rang. She looked at him and reluctantly pulled the blaring phone from her pocket.
"What?" She barked.
"Uh, sorry... You okay, Beckett?" Ryan asked warily, hearing her irritated tone.
Kate sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Yeah, sorry, I'm fine. What do have?"
"We know where Reece is."
XXXX
The ride to the location, which easily could have been very awkward, had been filled by phone calls. First Kate talked to Esposito and then Rick discussed his upcoming book tour - much to Kate's ire - with Paula. But despite the distractions, the air was stiffled with tension. They stopped at a dilapidated, red brick building - Ryan and Esposito already waiting - and sat in silence for a while before Kate spoke. Her voice was even, but strained. "Castle, we have to focus now. So let's just... forget about what happened, okay?" She turned to look at him. He was staring at the dashboard and only gave a singular nod before opening the door and getting out. She threw her head back and let out a breath before opening her door and getting out.
"Hey, where's our suspect?" Kate asked as she and Rick approached the other two detectives.
"Third floor, apartment 3b," Esposito answered.
"We got the warrant," Ryan added.
Kate nodded. "Okay, so let's go get him." With that, the quartet disappeared into the building. It was home to illegal immigrants, prostitutes, junkies and drug dealers.
As they ascended the third floor and began walking down the corridor, Kate pulled Rick back.
"Behind me, Castle."
He shrugged her hand off him and glared at her. "I know the drill, Detective." She turned around and grabbed his shirt, Esposito and Ryan glancing at each other with raised eyebrows.
"Stay behind me," she hissed angrily, shoving him. They reached the apartment and Esposito thudded the green door with his hand.
"NYPD! Open up!" Rick was standing a little away from the other three when he spotted a man coming down the corridor. A man who suspicously looked like Wayne Reece, their murder suspect. Their eyes met and realisation dawned on them both. Reece dropped the bag in his hands and grabbed for the gun, untidely tucked in the front of his jeans. He was agitated and high.
"Hey!" Rick shouted, turning his body completely to face Reece. At this the other three shot their heads up. Reece raised his weapon and pointed it at Rick.
And then all hell broke loose. Reece's finger pulled the trigger twice and the bullets traveled to where Rick was standing. Only he wasn't standing there anymore. He was on the ground, pushed out of the way. Shots rained out and gold casings fell to the floor around him, almost in slow motion. Kate was now lying next to him and there was blood on his hands. He anxiously searched for bullet wounds on himself. 'Impossible... He shot at me,' the thougth rushed through his mind as his eyes skittled towards her. She was motionless, the crimson mark on her white shirt getting bigger. 'Why is she so still?' He sat up, dazed and confused.
Esposito, gun in hand, was checking the suspect while Ryan, eyes wide in fear, was already on the phone. "We need an ambulance ASAP! We have an officer down." Rick's eyes shifted back to a now twitching Kate Beckett.
Then it hit him - Kate was shot and that it was her blood on his hands. He snapped out his daze and lunged towards her, frantically pressing his hands on the wounds in her abdomen. Blood was gushing out, dripping off her side and pooling beneath her. It was warm and sticky and not stopping.
"Kate!" Her eyes opened and closed sluggishly."Kate!" His voice cracked with panic and his face contorted in terror. "Stay with me! Please, stay with me!" His face was hazy to her eyes as everything swirled around her. "C'mon Kate! Stay with me!" His raw, hysterical voice became dim as darkness overpowered her, pulling her down into its black realm.
X-X-X-X-X
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
A/N: There you have it - the longest chapter I have ever written. Ever. I wanted to get the feelings, emotions and build up to the end right. Hence all the detail. The next chapter will conclude this flashback theme and it will have a fluffy and happy ending, of course. :-)
Thanks for reading.
P.S. lyrics at the end is from a stunning song from Thriving Ivory called 'Angels on the Moon'
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